Thursday, March 11, 2010

No reason?

So as I sit here listening to Obadiah beg and whine -- pacing between the living room and kitchen, as if he thinks he deserves a treat -- I just keep wishing there was a reason behind Liv's death. I joined a couple of fan pages on Facebook for those dealing with stillbirth last night, and it's just amazing how many people are in our shoes. While there are many that have answers, there are just as many that don't. There are so many that hear the same words we did..."I'm sorry, but there is no heartbeat." What a nightmare. All of these little babies gone too soon, with parents left with empty arms.

On one particular Facebook Fan page, someone wrote:

Another time of heartbreak
Another hour of fear
Another day spent crying
Just wishing you were here.

Another time of loneliness
Another mask I have to wear
Another desperate feeling
My life so full of despair.

Another day I wish was different
Another day I miss you so
Another day I want you oh so much
And never let you go.


On a different day, I'll meet you
On a different day I'll smile
On a different day I'll hold my baby
My special angel child.

I thought of you with love today, but that is nothing new.
I thought of you yesterday, and days before that too.
I think of you in silence, I often speak your name.
All I have are memories and a picture in a frame.

Your memory is a keepsake, with which I'll never part.
God has you in His keeping, I have you in my heart.


  1. man. heartwrenching.

    and i don't know if what i had was a reason. . . "a knot in his cord tightened, cutting off his oxygen supply". . . it didn't make it any more okay--a thousand more questions just followed it. the what ifs are going to haunt you no matter where you are in the whys because livy is gone and she shouldn't be. i replay so much in my memories and in my dreams of how i could made it different, how i could bring him back.

    until then, i'm just looking forward to the heaven i don't always know i believe in but trusting i'll come to it all then.

    you have to finish that book.

    love you.

  2. You're right. Having answers don't really help. I just wish we had some since we keep getting the same thing over and reason for any loss, so what's to say the next one won't be another crazy anomaly?

    I'm on Ch. 6...slowly getting there... :)

  3. I cried when I read your post, Priscilla.
    I'm crying right now, as I am typing.
    What Nathan said, when we got the news of Olivia's death, was consoling. He said, as he was trying to hold back the tears, "We've got the Gospel". We can hold on to that.

    I love you, James, and Obadiah,
    with love from your mama