Wednesday, November 24, 2010

A Rough Month Ahead...

So with Thanksgiving just a day away, all I can think about is where we were this time last year. So many memories keep flooding my thoughts -- specifically about Olivia. So much joy surrounded this season last year. So much excitement. Even with James being gone, we didn't care about being apart during the holidays...we had so much more to look forward to. I kept busy with three different Thanksgiving gatherings with other Army wives, and spent Black Friday shopping with a friend that was due two days after me. We spent the day talking about our little girls and getting things for them. Yet here we are...Our little girl never got enjoy those gifts, and who would've known that soon after those fun times, we would be saying goodbye?

These memories seem to be taking center stage lately, leaving little room for the more recent joy surrounding Spud. I know that we possibly have much to look forward to again with Spud, yet it's just not the same. I find myself not wanting to get too excited or attached to this new baby/pregnancy for fear of things going wrong. Instead, I just keep thinking about where we should be with Liv. I remember struggling with this years ago with Jake, and now here we are again...

Prior to finding out about the Spud, James and I debated constantly about what we were going to do about the upcoming holidays. We knew we wouldn't be sharing in much of the joy that others around us would be feeling, so we didn't know how we wanted to approach all of that. Should we go home? Should we stay here? Should we even get together with others at all? We constantly went back and forth about what we were going to do. Then once we received the BFP, we immediately knew one thing...we definitely weren't going to drive home. Eleven hours in the car is just too long when you feel sick to your stomach -- not to mention the fact that just the idea of traveling that far freaks me out with our history!

Once that much of our debate was settled, we were both a little relieved. Of course, it wasn't long after that when we received an invite to the home of one of James' coworkers for Thanksgiving. In the end, we decided to go ahead and take them up on the invite, but we'll see how things go. Since moving here, we've been really bad about taking that step to meeting those in the unit, so I thought this would be a good opportunity to finally do that. So while my level of excitement might not be as it should be, we'll be spending time with others on this day of Thanks...

Here's hoping it all goes well, and that perhaps the company of others helps keep our minds off of the sadder memories. I suppose I'll worry about the next big holiday (Christmas) after we get through tomorrow. That's going to be on a whole different scale of craziness -- especially with Liv's 1 year Angelversary coming up!


  1. Happy Thanksgiving! I hope you both have a peaceful day. {hugs}

  2. I can't imagine how hard the upcoming month will be for you two. I really hope that you can enjoy yourselves a little tomorrow even though I am sure that the sadness with creep in here and there; it always seems to for me. Thinking of you and I hope to see you soon! (((hugs)))

  3. I hope yesterday went well and that you were able to meet a lot of nice people who may become good friends. I can only imagine the conflicting feelings you must have. You have had such a tragic year, yet Spud brings hope that 2011 will be a happy and joyous year. I am hoping so! Sending you caring thoughts!

  4. I hope this month would be gentle on you, especially on Olivia's 1-year Angelversary. (((HUGS))) I second what Allison said, Spud brings hope in 2011.