The Other Woman...

Have you seen it? It's a movie with Natalie Portman that was released about a year ago. When it was first released, I had no interest in seeing it. Portman plays a home wrecker and that in itself bothered me, so I left it at that. Well, thanks to it airing on cable last week, I decided to DVR it and give it a shot on a night that I couldn't sleep. I knew it would possibly bother me during certain scenes because of how it starts out (marital affair), but curiosity was there just the same...

Wow. It left me speechless. Many tears later, I have more of an appreciation for it. They did a great job portraying the grief. The comments made by others during such grief. The way in which the family handled the healing process. The fact that it included a remembrance walk where others joined in honoring their angels. Etc. There were many other factors to the film that gave it a bit of a Stepmom (with Julia Roberts) feel, but regardless, it most definitely hit the mark for those of us in this community.

I was reading something about the film earlier and found this particular clip interesting...

"How does one deal with the sudden loss of a new life? Can one even deal with it? Is it possible to ever forget what happened? These are questions that are raised, but never specifically answered, because there really is no answer. Everyone is different. Everyone deals with grief and despair in their own way." credit

Here I was going to finally get on here and catch up on the blog, but instead, I really don't have much to say. After watching that film, I'm left feeling incredibly emotional -- missing our three angels just as much as ever. Yet, as I sit here missing them, I'm just so thankful that I also have a healthy little Samuel sleeping in the other room. Oh, what a life this is...a life of grief mixed with joy. I love where we are right now -- living life with a happy little boy -- but at times it's hard to find that balance of joy and grief. I almost appreciate nights like this where I can cry over our angels -- feeling the raw emotions of such a loss -- while watching that film. It makes me think about where we've been and what we've been through. Yet at the same time, it makes me appreciate even more (not that I don't already!) where we are now.

This topic also brings to mind something that James and I encountered on Friday and then again earlier today while James was at work. Someone that he works with recently found out about our first three children and what happened with each. His reaction and comments really meant a lot to me -- both referring to James and myself. I appreciated what he had to say -- we both did. Among the things that were said, the word "devastating" was used. I'm not sure that I've ever heard anyone describe our history as such, and it sort of took me back for a minute when I heard him say it. It seems like it's (at times) the comment(s) made by that random person that you would never expect to encounter or ever converse with about such things that means the most. This particular person was taken back by it all when he heard and was nearly speechless, as he said that by the way we carry ourselves and how James is at work, this guy would've never guessed. I'm sure we all encounter situations like this at one point or another, but it makes me really appreciate the compassion that others can show. Most of the time, James refuses to open himself up to others about our three, as the general reaction isn't one he likes to deal with. I remember being on the cruise ship 8 months after Olivia passed away and the lady next to us asked if we had kids. I quickly said, "No, but we've lost three." She froze, then looked away and never said another word. I couldn't blame her, but scenarios like that cause James to never want to EVER open up. So for him to experience a response quite different than that, it warmed my heart. Not only did he receive compassion right off the bat, but incredibly sweet words continued to follow...

Now I'm rambling because I'm tired and emotional after watching that movie -- not the best combination. I obviously won't be following this up with a blog post about the month of December and all that went on for us as I'm just emotionally spent, but I will say that Jacob, Jordan, and Olivia were incredibly missed over the holidays. Holding Samuel, experiencing Christmas with him, and continuing to hit new milestones with the little guy is so bittersweet. I feel like I could cry and smile all at the same time when the moment's right -- being so grief stricken, yet so happy.

Jake, Jordan, and Livy...we love and miss you so much! I often wonder how Sam will view you three as he grows older. Will he be like the child in The Other Woman and create a stick figure drawing of our family with three angels floating above us? Will he remain silent about his older siblings? Either way is fine, but it's interesting to think about. Only time will tell. He surely will be no stranger to it all. The poor kid.

All of this talk made me think of our most recent visit to Olivia's grave. Among the many things that we did while in Indianapolis, we brought flowers to Liv on the anniversary of the day that she was buried. Sweet Sam held her flowers while I got a picture...

Love my little family...