After meeting with a friend for lunch (which was great!), I wandered on over to Old Navy just to see if I was mistaken in thinking that they didn't carry any maternity clothes -- it was too tempting not to since it was in the same parking lot. Well, just as I thought...no maternity clothes. However, they sure did have cute baby clothes that kept calling my name. For the heck of it, I walked over towards that section and was immediately torn. Like any baby clothes department, you see all of the girl stuff on one side and the boy stuff on the other. So as I stood there in the middle, I couldn't help but think of what I had bought for Olivia -- along with what I wish I was still buying for her -- as well as what we could possibly be getting for Samuel. I quickly browsed through -- basically tormenting myself...I suppose I'm a glutton for punishment -- and saw several things that we would be getting if Sam makes it. Then the weakness took hold...the clearance section...I know I'm not the only one that has this serious weakness. I couldn't help but check it out. I really had no intention to actually purchase anything, but what does it hurt to look? That's when they got me. I saw a super cute shirt that I couldn't help but grab for Sam. I kept thinking about how I knew we said we wouldn't get him anything just yet, but I couldn't resist. Darn that temptation. I should've never even gone in that store!
So now hangs a shirt for Samuel next to all of Olivia's clothes in the would-be nursery's closet. When James heard of this particular purchase, he wasn't too keen about it. In fact, he had no interest in even seeing or talking about it, as it's just too painful. I figured that would be the case before I even mentioned it. To be honest, I almost didn't even bother mentioning it, because I knew this was a crazy purchase to begin with! (I really must be losing it...I didn't even buy anything for Liv this early on!) It's scary to think of what could happen, but also kind of exciting if things turn out like they should. I wish we were able to find a better balance between the fear and excitement, but such is life, right?
Tomorrow marks 21 weeks. We're slowly getting closer to a possibly positive outcome. Saturday marks the point in the pregnancy when my water broke with Jacob (21w1d). I know what I'll be doing that day...absolutely NOTHING. I have the very first Faces of Loss, Faces of Hope Face2Face gathering that day, but aside from that, my butt will be laying on that couch!
Here's hoping we have a very uneventful weekend, allowing us to get one step closer to a healthy son!