Monday, September 13, 2010

Goodbyes...

There have been a lot of those lately. As we edge closer to our final move date, we've been trying to squeeze in as many as we can with our close friends around here. When the final goodbyes happen, it ends up being more of a "We'll see you soon" rather than "It was good knowing you" type of goodbye. I mean, we are in the Army after all -- it's smaller than you think! If you stay in long enough, you typically run into old friends down the road. Plus, our goal is to retire here in WA, so even those friends that are civilians...we hope to see them again when we eventually move back.

It's just kind of wild when we get to thinking about it. On our way to Bible study last night, we got to talking about the fact that we haven't even been here 2 years. Crazy. October 20th would be the 2 year mark, but we're leaving a month before that. It feels like we've been here longer! Here we had originally planned to try and stay here as long as we possibly could, but then with Liv's death, we jumped at the chance to move. We needed a change. We needed a fresh start.

Everywhere we go, there are memories attached to our pregnancy with Liv -- both good and bad ones. It's just so hard. We passed one of the local farms the other day and it was mentioned how we had planned on taking Livy there this fall for the pumpkin patch. Things like that are a stab to the chest every time they come up. We miss her so much, and there are so many things that we had planned for her. It's hard not to think of those when they arise...

When we said goodbye to our Bible study group last night, I thought about the fact that they were there with me through our entire pregnancy with Liv. They watched as she grew each week (along with my expanding belly), and they counted down the weeks with me as we got closer and closer to Liv's due date. With each week came questions of how the pregnancy's going, along with how James was doing downrange. Such a crazy time in our lives between the deployment and the pregnancy, and they were there through it all. They even threw a baby shower for me just days before Olivia passed away. So many memories...When it came time to say goodbye, we all prayed and agreed that we'll have to stay in touch through email. I'm sure that we'll find another Bible study group in GA that we'll become a part of, but this one in WA will always have a special place in our hearts. With them, I will always think of those exciting months leading up to Livy's arrival...

While Olivia will always be in our constant thoughts, at least the scenery in GA won't bring on the same kind of issues as it does here in WA (like the pumpkin patch). It will be new...with its own set of memories created down the road. If anything, GA will bring memories back from my visits to see James while he was attending OCS there -- what a crazy, but exciting time!

For the same reasons, I'm looking forward to the new house that we secured there in GA. With just 2 days until the movers get here, I spent a good portion of the day yesterday going around the house trying to take things off the walls, repair the holes, etc. when I finally ended up in Liv's room. Her room is the only room where we decided to hang curtains. So there I was...taking down the curtain rods, folding Livy's curtains and putting them in the crib that was already full of her stuff. I try not to go in her room too often, as it's just too sad, but I couldn't help but look through her things while I was in there yesterday. Not only do we have all of the diapers we had stocked up on, all of her clothes that were bought, bedding folded up, etc...there were also all of the gifts from her funeral. So much happiness mixed with so much sadness. Her casket flowers that we had dried, the angel blanket that someone had mailed us, etc. With our next house, there will be a 4th bedroom just like this one, but I don't know that we'll even bother unpacking it. It will house all of Liv's stuff just like this one does, but it won't have the same sentimental aspects as her room here has. I suppose that's just another step towards that fresh start. With the moves from Germany and here, we lost those rooms designated for Jake and Livy, but perhaps there might be hope of filling them at some point with their little brother or sister...

Well, speaking of the ongoing string of goodbyes, I better close this up so that I can get in gear and get ready for the day. Here in a couple hours, it's off to lunch with another friend. Luckily, it's going to be more of a "We'll see you soon" goodbye, as she and her hubby are hoping to follow us to Benning in a couple months!

3 comments:

  1. Such a bittersweet time in your life...good to have a fresh start but also sad leaving memories, even if they are sad ones, behind. Being ex-Army, I know how it is...more of a "see ya later", which is a good thing.

    I have been looking through Harper's things a lot lately, even though it feels like some type of torture. I just can't bring myself to take any of it down or stop going in her room.

    I hope that moving day goes well. I will be thinking about you!

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  2. You have had so many painful goodbyes recently. I am thinking about you and sending you hugs. I hope that your "see you soon goodbye" was nice.

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  3. Moving can be a stressful and heartbreaking event but it looks like you and your hubby are prepared and ready for a change. You're right, it's not "goodbye", it's "see you soon". This is indeed a small world. Goodluck with the move.

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