Wednesday, July 28, 2010

I am a mom...

So for whatever reason, I actually woke up before James this morning. Being that he has to generally get up before 6am for PT, that's abnormally early for me. In fact, I usually don't even hear his alarm go off in the morning -- I'm so out of it. So here I lay, listening to Oba moan and groan (thinking it's time to start the day) and frustrated that I can't get "Bird is the Word" out of my head (the song James has programmed as his alarm from his cell phone -- Who can't wake up to THAT?!? "B-b-b-bird, bird, bird, b-bird's the word. A-well-a everybody's heard about the bird"...).

Anyways, so I got on Facebook for whatever reason and read a friend's status that really hit home. She said that she hates it when people tell her, "Oh, don't worry. You'll be a mom someday." Her response is that she's already a mom and a very proud one at that. I feel for her, and I know all too well how it feels to get various comments like that. This particular friend lost her baby girl at 36 weeks like we did, and is doing a fantastic job at keeping her daughter's memory alive.

I hate when people make comments like that -- especially when they are looking in from a different perspective. I know they say it in a way that they think is comforting, but it's more like a slap in the face. With posting that as a vent, this friend on Facebook received various comments of encouragement, as well as comments relating it to similar situations -- agreeing about the frustrating types of comments like, "You're still young, you can have another." Thanks, but it's not a replacement and really, we'd much rather have our first (or third in our case) child back than to just "have another."

Angel moms like us hear this junk all the time, and I feel for others when they have to endure it. We want to remember our babies and we want them to be recognized. Just because they are not here with us now, they were at one point. We gave birth to them just like you would a healthy, happy child. Why must so many ignore that fact and try and act like they don't count. We will forever hold these babies in our hearts, and to us, they will always be thought of as our first born. If/when we have a healthy child, they will know that they had an older brother and sister, etc.

I will say, I think it's incredibly sweet when I hear family of friends, who have lost babies, refer to them as their niece, nephew, grandchild, etc. The recognition goes a long way to the parents of angels. For years, it didn't seem like there was much said in reference to Jake, but it seems like after Livy, some eyes were opened, and I have heard the reference of her being their niece, for instance, and it's comforting to hear that.

I am a mom. She is a niece, a granddaughter, a cousin, etc. Thank to those who recognize that, for both Livy and other angels out there...

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