Saturday, June 5, 2010

Thank you, dear friend...

So while it's still incredibly hard to be around kids -- specifically babies -- some people definitely know how to help soften the blow. I greatly appreciate that. It's much more doable when hanging out with friends that are compassionate about our situation. When around such friends, it's easier to open up and not worry about whether or not my grief is overbearing. I don't have to worry as much about keeping it all locked up and kept quiet. I mean, why should I? Our kids are very much a part of who we are, yet to the standard of some, we should be over it by now...all smiles and having moved on with our lives at this point.

I constantly get comments from friends and family about those they know that ask about me. I appreciate the fact that people are praying for us and thinking about us, and I think it's very sweet of them to care like that. However, there have been a few times where I found their response to the honest answer about my current status very interesting. Recently, one such person was surprised that I'm still grieving and figured that by now, things should be better and that it's just a part of life...simple as that. I was kind of thrown back by that. I mean, we don't go on and on about Jake on a daily basis, but there isn't a day that goes by that neither James nor I don't think about him -- or wonder how he would be, what he would be doing, etc. At this point, the loss of Livy is still so fresh -- even more so because of this deployment keeping us apart during the whole grieving process. Plus, with it being our third loss, the blow is that much greater and that much harder to deal with.

Anyways...all that to say, it's nice to be around those that seem to get it or at least *try* to -- or even acknowledge that they can't fathom it, but that they're here for us. That goes a long way in my book, and it really does help. Earlier tonight, I was at dinner with a friend that falls under this category. Even though we were surrounded by 3 preggos and multiple small children/infants, it was a little more doable because of that support. When around such friends, I can let it out if I need to or take that deep breath if I need to, because they get it.

Hopefully one day, it won't always be like this. I mean, the pain will lessen with time, but here's hoping the light at the end of the tunnel will be blinding and we will eventually have that happy ending. Until then, thank you to those, like my friend tonight, that have been a great help through all of this...

1 comment:

  1. sometimes i feel guilty for bringing zion up. i project that people are probably thinking i should be over it already or something. i hope you steer from this pressure. every child us mothers carry will always always always have our hearts. no getting over that. just taking it on and with us.

    you're doing great processing and healing, pris. you are courageously vulnerable. i'm eager for james to be home so you finally get a small fraction of some relief having him there.

    love you.

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