Thursday, August 19, 2010

Spoke too soon...

Well, the actual 8 month marker may have been relatively easy to endure, but the days after that haven't been...

I'm sure it's an accumulation of a lot of things -- missing Livy (of course!), coming up on the 7 year Angelversary of our first son (Jacob Tyler), the upcoming move (I wish it was sooner!), and the most recent topic...should we even bother trying again for a 4th child? I mean, what's the point? What are the chances that we'll even be blessed with a healthy kid? Statistics are definitely against us. Ever since James got home from Afghanistan, we've been continually debating this topic off and on. As much as we want to hold out hope, there's no guarantee and we're not sure we're ready for more heartache. But then again...would not trying again be any better? Sometimes I feel like I won't have any peace until we do have that healthy child in our arms, but then at other times I feel like I'm wasting my time. After so many years of heartache and missing our kids, I try to tell myself that maybe -- just maybe -- we could eventually find that light at the end of the tunnel. But will that even happen? Maybe we should just put it all behind us, get rid of all of Jake and Liv's stuff and just be that childless couple that travels a lot and treats their pets like children. Oh wait...we are that couple. I sure do wish things would get easier...

2 comments:

  1. Just read this and I know how you feel to a point.. I do have two Great kids who were born very early and made it through...As you know we lost Lily Rose and are having a hard time with it all.. (note the two are from First marriage) He wants a child of his own which is understandable.. but I feel like you do we try but nothing so whats the point when all the stats are against us; never being able to carry a full term child any way, they will either be born really really early were we sit and wait and hope they make it or we loose them.. AS of right now we have tried and nothing and drs wont touch me to help us get prego, so Now I'm to the point were Im telling him I want my insides taken out just to avoid the pain and hurt of the monthly calling.. My two are older and one is graduating this coming May and the other has lots of issues and I'm not getting younger.. so I feel what you feel whats the point and why go through it all.. But I feel for you because you lost three angels and my heart breaks for you both.. to want something and not able to have it while others around you have kids they cant take care of or dont even want.. I will pray that some way some how you are blessed with your dream of kids.. either by birth or adoption I pray it happens for you... Many prayers and many blessings..

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