Homeschooling Adventures And The Letter R...

The past month has been a great one for the Moore house. Samuel has gotten involved with two separate homeschool groups, Caleb started his very own speech class, and we've been trucking along with pre-k at home. I can't believe Easter is just around the corner!!!

Finally Back! (And The Letter M)

It feels like it's been forever! My Mac officially died, so I had to wait for Apple to install a new hard drive. Unfortunately, trying to catch up on everything has taken much longer than I would've hoped...

With that said, how is it that Thanksgiving is NEXT week?!?! I absolutely love this time of year! This is when Thanksgiving and Christmas start to merge in this house. Our house is decorated with the harvest theme (it has been since September since I don't care for Halloween), but I have to admit, Christmas music and movies have been in full force for the last week or two. Ha. To add to the fun, there are so many crafts and activities I want to do with the boys that are holiday-themed. Now it's just a matter of finding time for it all. We did start doing a couple Thanksgiving crafts today with Samuel's school, which was fun!

Visitors And The Letter K...

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How is it almost the weekend already??? Over the past week, we had my parents in town along with some old friends that we haven't spent time with in years. It was great to catch up briefly and I can't tell you how happy the boys were to see my parents! We lucked out with our friends' visit -- they happened to have to work in Vegas and decided to head down this way for a little vacation afterwards.

A Look Into The Future And The Letter I…

So, we spent the weekend trying to get things knocked off the to-do list -- like laying down mulch, painting the boys' bathroom to match their stuff, etc -- and unfortunately, still didn't get through the pictures from our trip. However, I was just skimming through a couple of them with Samuel and this one made me laugh. I feel like it looks like their prom picture, only preschool style. Ha!

Sweet Faces...

The house is quiet with 3 boys asleep and I know I should be doing the same thing, but instead I've been sitting here trying to finally edit a few of the images from our trip home. They bring such a huge smile. I'm so glad we were able to meet my friend and her kids in Nashville for an overnight visit! Samuel won't stop talking about his girls and asks daily if we can FaceTime. It's so so sweet!

Summer Love

So, I'm a little behind on making Samuel's Paw Patrol letter worksheets, but for good reason. We spent a week in our hometown (Indianapolis) and just got back late last night. It was the first time we had been home in almost 3 years. It's hard to believe Samuel was 18 months old the last time we visited! Overall, we had a great time! I'm thankful Samuel was able to play with his cousins and Caleb was able to finally meet everyone (at 15 months old)!

Kindergarten...

I guess I shouldn't be surprised, but that sure came out of left field! Today, I was reminded once again of where we should be…celebrating the first day of kindergarten with our baby girl. Upon getting on social media, I was quickly reminded by all the pictures posted by friends who were pregnant with me back in '09 -- all commenting on the bittersweet nature of such a big day. Sigh. I'm happy for all these kids that are SUPER excited about such a big step, but boy does it hurt my heart to think of how that's just one more thing that should be happening at this house, but isn't.

Return To Zero...

For those of you that know our story, you know that before having Samuel, we experienced the loss of our first 3 sweet babies - Jacob, Jordan and Olivia. There is no greater loss than that of a child. In hopes of bringing awareness to pregnancy and infant loss, those of us in this unfortunate baby loss community are making a pledge to see an upcoming movie about such a heart-wrenching topic. 

It's A Party, It's A Party For Samuel!!!

Our little miracle turned TWO years old on Friday! I'm still trying to grasp the idea of having a two year old...where did time go?!

To celebrate his big day, we threw a Yo Gabba Gabba party for him on Saturday with some of his little friends here in El Paso. I'd like to think it turned out fairly well. With the temp being around 102 and the sun shining bright, the water games were quite a hit. It was definitely fun to see Samuel party it up with his little friends. In fact, he had such a blast that he passed out immediately after everyone left -- the sweet boy!

Chaos Company...

As always, I feel like it's been forever since I have been on here and am not really sure where to even begin. The last month has FLOWN by! Samuel spent time with all of his grandparents, James took Command over Chaos Company, I became the FRG (Family Readiness Group) Leader of that company, and we've somehow been busier than ever while James is away in the field. I am really starting to think I'm going to have to start scheduling in free time so we can just veg out every once in awhile. After all, Samuel barely has a chance to play with his toys these days and that needs to change. Being busy is great when James is gone, though, so I suppose it's a good thing that our days are flying by...

A Busy Month...

March was a very busy month for the Moore family. Looking back, it seems like it was rare if we even got one day a week to just hang out at home and let Samuel play with his toys. I'm starting to wonder what the point of having them is if he never gets to use them, ha. Samuel and I are part of a few different mom/toddler groups, so between meet ups with them, birthday parties, tumble tots, story time, and now speech therapy, "the boy" was constantly on the go. Oh, and how can I forget? Samuel got to meet the gang from Gabba Land in person! March was definitely a fun month...

Here, I was actually looking forward to aiming for a slower month in April, but it looks like it will be quite the opposite. We recently found out James will be taking Command here in less than 2 weeks and with that, I'll be the new FRG (Family Readiness Group) Leader. It's a very exciting time, but also very hectic. I'm super happy for James! He'll be in charge of Chaos Company. Ha. Every time I hear that, it makes me laugh. Chaos 6...it's very fitting, ha. And what better timing? They'll be prepping for their big field problem almost immediately following the COC. Chaotic to say the least. :)

To make the month of March even better, it also included Obadiah's 11th birthday. Our little old man enjoyed his day with his own bottle of beer and lots and lots of treats. How is it possible that he's 11 already?! Sweet Obie.

I had more to write, but nothing is coming to mind now, so I'll leave whatever it was that I wanted to say for later and finish up with a few pictures...

While at the Yo Gabba Gabba concert, they told us no DSLRs were allowed, so here we are with our old school PnS while waiting for the show to begin...

Samuel LOVED the bubbles!

But he wasn't so sure about meeting his favorite characters in real life...

Poor Samuel. He loves YGG, but between the live show and his 1st Birthday cake, he can also get very emotional when around his friends...

Samuel's first concert t-shirt, ha...

And here's one of the many videos taken while we were there. You can tell it was an emotional night for Sam...

On a different note, I've been loving watching Samuel have fun at the various play dates...

The toddler version of kettle bells right here, ha.

Observing the older kids as they build with lincoln logs...

And here's a typical pic of Samuel at tumble tots...

Fast forward to later in the month, here's Samuel at his buddy, Chase's birthday party...

Since it's already so warm out, Orange Leaf is a must. I suppose it doesn't hurt that it's within walking distance of our house...

Last but not least, here's our old man. Happy 11th Birthday, Obie!!!

Now on to April...I can only hope that things slow down and that we're able to enjoy every moment!

Our Angels...

While our 3 angels are always on my mind, the constant thought of them has come to the forefront a lot lately. Between different articles being posted, a new movie being produced, my first Face2Face group here in El Paso happening, and a recent video of our little rainbow...I can't stop thinking about them.

There was a recent article posted by the NYT that I have seen floating around a lot lately, so of course, I definitely have to share it with those of you that still follow this blog. It starts out with the question, "Is she your only child?" Talk about a stab to the chest! It's such an easy question, yet so difficult for anyone that has children in Heaven. I struggle with the answer to that question daily -- especially now that Samuel is involved in more activities where I'm meeting other moms on a constant basis, etc. I always appreciate when I find articles like this. Please take the time to read it *here*...

On another note, have you heard about the new movie, Return to Zero? I'm SO, so glad they reached their funding goal! In order to finish production, they had to raise $50,000, and they did it! Based on a true story about a family that delivers their first child still born, it's definitely one of a kind. I look forward to seeing it when it hits the big screen, and I hope even those that haven't experienced such a great loss takes the time to see it too -- so that you can get a glimpse into the world of those that have. It really is amazing how much face time this subject has gotten over the last several years. I feel like after we lost Jacob, I couldn't really find much out there that talked about what we were going through. I remember finding one group online of baby loss moms, but there were only a handful of people there and it wasn't even active. However, by the time we were grieving over the loss of our daughter, Olivia, more and more moms were becoming vocal on a large scale and look where we are now...a major motion picture, NILMDTS, Faces of Loss - Faces of Hope, etc. There is SO much out there for those walking this path. I'm thankful for that. You definitely don't feel as alone...

Speaking of Faces of Loss - Faces of Hope, I finally hosted my first Face2Face meeting here in El Paso -- or should I say, I had planned to. We finally had enough interest here locally, so I scheduled a coffee date for this past Wednesday. However, I ended up being in the local Children's Hospital ER all evening with my son, so I wasn't even able to attend. Luckily, Samuel is FINE, but they were close to admitting him due to his severe wheezing, so an hour before the coffee date, I had to let the other ladies know that I wouldn't be there. I felt terrible about it, but when I heard back from one of the other moms, it made me smile. She said she felt kind of stupid walking around the coffee shop asking if anyone else was there for Face2Face, but she eventually ran into someone that she enjoyed talking to. While this particular lady wasn't there for the group, she did end up wanting to talk. So this mom was able to share her story with someone about her sweet angel. What a blessing! I can only hope that nothing crazy happens when I plan the next coffee date!

And with that, the last thing I wanted to mention is a bit odd, but I can't help but bring it up. Do any of you believe in orbs? I've seen them in pictures frequently, but never in a video. And honestly, I don't know how much I believe in them as much as some people do, but I couldn't help but think about it the other night when they showed up in a video of my son, Samuel. Perhaps because it was late at night, or the fact that I'll find any reason to find a sign that our 3 are with us...but when I noticed them in the video, I had to watch it several times to make sure I really was seeing those little dots float across the screen. And if I did, what were they? So, of course, Jacob, Jordan, and Olivia were constantly on my mind the rest of the night. I mean, I can't tell you how many times since Samuel was born that he has looked at specific locations (where nothing was there) and it was as if he was having a conversation/laughing/staring/etc. So why not? While I may have you totally convinced that I've jumped off the deep end, I can't help but wonder...

Here's the video of the crazy Sam-man refusing to go to sleep. I was sick and exhausted so he won some movie time while I laid down in his bed...

Blogging...

How is it that it has been OVER a month since I've been on here? Is anyone even following this anymore? I wouldn't blame you if you stopped. I truly hate that I haven't found the time to get on here much over the last year. I miss blogging. I miss using this as my little free therapy session when I have something on my mind that I need to get out. These days, I feel like I'm on the go from the minute I wake up to the minute I finally fall asleep. (I doubt I'll ever be able to pass out the minute I hit the pillow like a certain someone that I happen share the bed with...) I've become a true lurker. When I have a spare moment, I catch up on blogs through my phone on my Google Reader (yet, never comment), hit up Facebook to see the latest, read emails that I seem to never get back to in a timely manner, then continue to chase the little man around.

I'm loving life with the little wild man, but I definitely need to work on some time management. He rarely naps these days and when he does, I take full advantage of catching up on things around the house -- leaving my computer desk to pile up in paperwork and dust on the keyboard. As I'm sure fellow bloggers do, I catch myself thinking of a topic that I'd like to blog about later on -- when Sam naps, before I go to bed, etc. Then it never happens. And now, like tonight, I'm finally on here and I don't really even know where to go with it aside from the fact that I hate that this place is starting to collect dust bunnies.

The last month brought on a wide variety of emotions. Joy, anger, sadness, anxiety...you name it. Here are a few events that stand out in my mind...

We made it to Olivia's 3rd birthday and honored her on her day. I'd almost like to say we celebrated her big day, but for such a day of sadness, I suppose that description wouldn't exactly fit. Not to mention Olivia's day is now a day of sadness for our nation as a whole after the events that unfolded. Man. What a day! Nonetheless, we went out on a date to one of the nicest restaurants in town and made a cake for our baby girl. I couldn't have asked for a better way to spend that day. It was most definitely a day of peace...and a little hint of joy thanks to the Sam-man.

We also reintroduced Samuel to Santa Claus. He LOVES Tim Allen's version, but clearly not the library's -- I think it was a bit traumatic for him...

Then on the 22nd (which happens to be the day we buried Olivia), Samuel enjoyed lunch with his buddy, Finn, who happened to be passing through town. It's always nice seeing sweet Finn and his parents!

Before we knew it, Christmas came and went. It was wonderful though, since we were able to spend it with Sam. The sweet boy enjoyed his presents and brought much joy to our house that day.

After spending Christmas together with our little family, we headed to our hometown for a week with extended family. I suppose I shouldn't have been surprised when our flight got pushed back a day due to a blizzard! On the bright side, it allowed for Samuel to experience snow for the first time. To say the least, he didn't like it, ha. The poor boy picked it up, looked at it with a curious/weird/investigative look, then flicked it away in near disgust. Sweet Samuel is a little too used to the desert, I suppose...

Oh and how can I forget? This trip happened to mark Samuel's first experience on a plane. Honestly, I was surprised how well he did! He sat on our laps and played on the iPad and/or slept the whole time. It didn't end up being the nightmare that we had imagined. (Thank the LORD!)

To be honest, the trip home is sort of a blur. We spent time with family and friends which was great, but most importantly, we visited our daughter. Seeing Olivia was the main reason we decided to go home! I hate that it only happens once a year, but even so, we were really glad that we were able to spend time with her at her grave. I think the best part of the whole trip was when a dear friend drove in from out of town to see us and asked if she could join us one day at the grave. Oh, Jackie...that meant the world to us! Very few people (outside Olivia's grandparents) have gone to visit Olivia on their own, so for Jackie to ask...I really can't put into words how much that meant to us. 

It's not the greatest picture of us, but here's Sam with his sweet Aunt Jackie and momma after a day in the snowy cemetery...

And some pictures from one of the many visits with Samuel and Olivia...

One of the gifts Jackie left for our baby girl...

Samuel holding another gift left by Aunt Jackie...

Aside from that, I didn't end up taking many pictures while we were home. I know, shocking! Aside from our time with Olivia, the only other time I purposefully got the camera out was to get a picture of all of our nieces and nephews together. To say the least, it was chaos and if we ever do it again, I'm kicking every single one of my sisters and bro-in-laws out of the room. There were way too many people trying to get the kids' attention, so they were all looking in different directions and it was a room full of what sounded like yelling -- everyone trying to talk louder than the person next to them, ha. Ohhhhh, the joys of a large family, ha. :)

And there you have it. Aside from a hellish experience trying to get home (another cancelled flight and a 10 hour - turn 24 hour - drive due to bad weather), it was a good trip. I'm thankful for the fact that we were able to make the trip and see our baby girl. Plus, Samuel was able to spend time with his cousins, which was priceless. 

With that said, it's nice to be home. Now if only I could get caught up to the point of having some spare time to blog...I suppose that will be my goal for February. Oh, that and getting the Christmas decor taken down, ha. That's right, it still looks like a house waiting to celebrate Christmas around here! While I was glad to get home, El Paso gave me a nice warm welcome with a bad case of the flu which really put us behind in just about everything. In fact, I was just finally unpacking our luggage earlier today -- pathetic, really. One day, I'll be caught up and have free time to sit and really talk, not just give a vague description of what we've been up to. I feel like that's what this blog is these days and to an extent, I'm alright with that since I like looking back and seeing what we were up to at different points in the year, but there are also so many things I'd like to address...I suppose those will have to wait...

And with that, I'm off to bed. While this is a bit late, I hope everyone had a WONDERFUL Christmas and may this year be the best yet!!!

Trick-Or-Treat!

Anymore, I never know where to start when I finally get a chance to sit down and blog. There's so much I'd love to talk about, but it just doesn't seem to happen. Soooo...tonight will be about my little Optimus Prime...

Let me start off by saying that I'm not a big supporter of Halloween. I don't even decorate for Halloween, but rather for the fall season. Honestly, I'm torn on even letting Samuel trick-or-treat. However, I do think certain parts of the holiday are fun and I absolutely want to create fun memories with our little guy! I love the idea of having Sam dress up as his favorite character and carving (innocent themed) pumpkins -- I just lean more towards the church-sponsored trunk-or-treat or Harvest festival events where you don't have the creepy/scary aspects of the holiday.

With that said, it was probably over a month ago when I went to Target with a friend and ran across the freshly laid out Halloween section, only to end up going home with a costume for Samuel. It wasn't my plan to buy one that day, but gosh, they were too cute to pass up! I showed Samuel various costumes available in his size and let him pick one out. At first, he was all about Captain America, but once I showed him Optimus Prime, it was all over. He HAD to be Optimus! And who can turn down a cute little boy who is full of excitement?! So it was set. He was going to be Optimus. And being as cheap as I am, I was going to make sure that kid wore that costume OUT! So, I looked up various events going on around town and on post and had plans of hitting up several of them. Plus, with James being in the field, it gave us something extra to add to our calendar...

Our first event included a trunk-or-treat event with the Army base. Sam and I joined some friends and went around the parking lot checking out the decorated vehicles and learned how to say trick-or-treat! He ended up being much more interested in walking on and off the sidewalk and running around a pole over and over again, but it was still fun. After all, he was a proud Optimus Prime!

Excuse the horrible cell phone pic...

The next day, we joined the same friends and had fun at the on base youth center Halloween party. Samuel was able to play various games like fishing for pumpkins (or rather, ditch the fishing pole and just reach in the water and grab one as he preferred!), decorate his own cupcake, get a temporary tattoo, etc. With Sam being at an age where he's running everywhere and exploring, it was fun to let him go/see/do with a ton of other kids. Sweet Sam. He's growing up way too fast!

Here he is looking unsure about the activities going on in the gym...

Later on, he REALLY enjoyed his cupcake...

Fast-forwarding to the next weekend, Daddy came home for a tiny break from the field and we went to Boo at the Zoo. It was our first time at the El Paso Zoo, so not only did he get to check out all the animals for the first time, but he got to do it in style, ha.

Here's Optimus Prime and a bear with crazy long claws...

The best part about the day was that he was able to enjoy time with daddy...

Oh, that sweet boy. I'm glad James was able to join us for one of the many festivities, since he had to head back to the field shortly there after. Field time is never fun, so yay to little breaks in between!

Luckily for Samuel, he had an awesome distraction to James heading back out, as my parents decided to come for a visit. Let's just say Samuel and my dad are pretty much BFFs. I'll go into more detail later about that, but having them here has definitely allowed for a great distraction to daddy being away.

It didn't end up happening until the night before Halloween, but I finally carved Samuel's pumpkin (and one for our 3 angels). It will be fun to possibly have Samuel help with the carving next year, but for now, he just gets to enjoy the finished product...

To finish out the Halloween season, we decided to join friends on post and go down the row of Officer houses (LTC and above) where it's well-lit and soldiers are on duty blocking the road for safety, etc. It was absolutely priceless watching him get the hang of it. At first, he was shy and wanted Grandpa to hold him and take him to the houses, but halfway through, he was carrying his basket and running up to homes that weren't even participating, ha! The night even had a little bit of excitement when he played his game of walking on and off the curb (best game in the world if you ask Sam!) and face-planted into the concrete. The poor guy's lip got beat up pretty bad, but after taking a few minutes to clean it up, he was right back at it...

Samuel with Grandma Julie and Grandpa Grant...

(Grandpa Grant carried the Optimus Prime mask since Samuel has wanted nothing to do with it all season.)

He's such a happy boy!

At one of the homes, Samuel received a piece of candy only to turn around, put it back in the basket, and give the man a high-five. Never a dull moment with this kid. Love it!

Love him...

At some of the homes, he didn't feel that it was necessary to bring the basket with him...

Or he would carry it around like he was too cool for school...

Lastly, the sweet boy and his momma...

While I'm not a huge fan of this particular holiday, we had a blast joining in on the various activities sponsored by the base! So many memories were created in the last month that will forever bring smiles to my face. I love that sweet boy!

And now on to my favorite time of the year...Thanksgiving and Christmas!

October 15th...

As those in the baby loss community are very familiar with...October 15th is the National Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day. It's a day to honor and remember those lost through miscarriage, stillbirth, and infant loss. As I'm sure it is for others as well, this day means a lot to me. I mean, I think about my three angels every second of every day, but on this day (and others like it -- Day of Hope, etc.), I feel like we are able to remind society that this is real and it happens and that we should honor and remember them -- as we ask that they join us in doing so. I feel like over the years, days like this have become more talked about. People are more aware as each year passes. It has become more accepted, and I'm glad for that. In fact, this year in particular, I've noticed a few people come out and talk about their losses that never did before. I'm glad that we have days like this...

And even better? Several of my family members participated in the Wave of Light with me. There are times when I feel like our three sort of get forgotten or excluded from things by some (definitely not all!) of our family, but I was reminded that such thinking is absolute nonsense. It means the world to us when people go out of their way to mention any one of our 3 angels, and to get texts of pictures and comments about how they're thinking about them...I can't describe how much we appreciate it...

In honor of...

Jacob Tyler Moore

Jordan Skye Moore

and

Olivia Hayden Moore

Three candles for three angels...

Grandma Julie's candle...

Oma Carmen's candle at Olivia's grave...

And Aunt Rachelle's candles for our 3 -- I love that many of our nephews and niece joined in!

Lastly, if you're reading this, Carmen, we loved the video! When you said, "It's 7 o'clock somewhere..." it brought a good laugh. Love it. Thank you for taking the time to send it to us!

Thank you to everyone that took the time to light a candle or simply tell a momma that you're thinking about their angel on the 15th. On this day (or any day for that matter), it never goes unnoticed or unappreciated. In fact, I guarantee it made their day knowing someone was thinking about them!

A Day Full Of Emotion...

Today was a great day. It was also a very sad day. While my sweet sister was welcoming her new daughter, Mackenzie Grace, into the world, a dear friend was grieving the loss of her sweet angel on what would have been her due date. Add in there the standard emotions that come with having our three in Heaven...

Oh, and the biased love for the name Mackenzie since that would have been Jacob's name had he been a girl... (ps. I'm glad you picked it, Deb!)

Yeah, it was a day full of emotion...

I'm just so incredibly thankful that while I have emotional days like today -- celebrating and grieving all at once -- I can do so with this handsome little man in my arms...